Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Miracle Maely

                   December 14, 2016

My sweet little boy,

You're a big brother! Can you believe it? Your little sister's name is Maely Grace Anderson and she was born this past Friday, on December 9th at 12:34 PM. Oh Mr. T, she was the prettiest baby girl I have ever seen! Your dad and I think she had at least as much hair, if not more, than you did at birth- and she was born 4 weeks earlier than you! It was feather soft, and so dark and thick. Her lips were absolutely perfect with the cutest cupid's arrow above her top lip, right under her adorable, little nose. And her cheeks! They were super squishy and oh so round- perfect for smooching. They looked just like yours when you were born :) She was everything and more we could have dreamed she'd be!

But Maely couldn't come home with us, Trevor. Your dad and I knew she wouldn't be able to, and we've been so sad about it for a long time. We've known since September that something was wrong with Maely. I had to see a special doctor who knows more about unhealthy babies when she was still in mommy's tummy (20 weeks along). The doctor only had bad news for me; after looking at Maely he explained a big list of things that were wrong with her. I asked the doctor what this meant for Maely's birth and the rest of her life; he looked at me and said that we'd be lucky if she was born alive, and if she was, she'd die very soon after birth. I went home and cried and cried. I knew you could tell something was wrong by the way you looked at me as I sobbed. My whole world was crashing down, as were my hopes and dreams for the relationship you were supposed to have with your little sister.

At another appointment about a month later, we learned that Maely's most serious problems were that she had a Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (her diaphragm didn't fully develop and left a space for her liver to float up into her chest cavity and pushed her heart out of place), a Septated Cystic Hygroma (a group of cysts in the back of the neck) and Unilateral Renal Agenesis (she only had a right kidney, and it wasn't formed correctly). Finding just one of those birth defects is pretty fatal, so her outlook was hopeless.

I kept praying and begging for a miracle. I didn't know if it was part of Heavenly Father's plan for our family for her to live; but I still hoped for the impossible. Then at an appointment the day before Thanksgiving, an ultrasound showed that Maely had little to no amniotic fluid left around her. This was because the one kidney she did have was done; it had overworked itself trying to do the work of two healthy, functioning kidneys. I know these medical terms will always be hard for you to understand, Trevor; I have a hard time understanding them myself. But this wasn't good news and meant that Maely was even more likely to die in mommy's tummy than before.

Your dad and I continued to try and enjoy every second we had as a family of 4. We did a lot of things while I was still pregnant with Maely that we would have wanted to do if she could have grown up with you. We never knew when her heart would beat for the last time, so we tried to cherish the time we had with her. We still prayed and hoped for a miracle- but a different one than before. This time we asked God to please, please, let Maely be born alive. We now understood and accepted the fact that it was not His will for her to stay on earth, but prayed that we could have 2 minutes with her. We also asked that she not feel any pain or suffering in the few minutes we hoped to have with her. It seemed too much to ask for, for her to be able to meet you, but that was our biggest hope. That was our new miracle.

And then 5 days ago, she came into the world. I had a c-section and prayed Maely's already fragile body would handle it well, that there would be a better chance of her making it for a minute or two. And guess what, Trev? Maely WAS alive! She even opened an eye when your dad held her right after she came out of my tummy. Your pediatrician was there to make sure she didn't show any sign of distress and to keep checking her heartbeat. Each time he listened she was still with us. And then it got even better because you got to meet her a few minutes later! It was such a special, sacred, and miraculous moment. Yes, we got our miracles! I know you knew that she was your baby. You were so sweet and curious! I loved watching my little boy touch my baby girl. I will never forget it.

Then after one precious hour and six minutes Maely had to go. I know that your grandpa Mick (my dad) was there to take her home to our Heavenly Father after she had fulfilled her purpose on earth. We had her for SO much longer than we ever could have imagined was possible. She was a fighter, just like you are. She held on for such a long time and gave us the sweetest memory we've ever made as a family. Ever since I found out I was having a girl, I started to dream about how fun it would be to watch you grow up as Maely's protector and always be watching out for her. But now she'll be watching over you from heaven, and sending protection from above. And let me tell you Trevor, it doesn't get any more special than that.

I have no idea why your dad and I got so lucky to have not just one, but two perfect kids, with the most special of spirits. I know that your Father in Heaven has a plan for you, and it included you coming to this earth in a body with Down Syndrome. I know that you will accomplish things that the rest of us regular folk will never be able to! And I know that Maely's spirit was so righteous and perfect that she only had to come to earth for that short time. Imperfect bodies with perfect spirits; that what you have and she was given for her short time on earth.

Your dad and I have always believed that families can be together forever. We know we'll be hanging on to your coattails to have a chance at eternal salvation, "the greatest of all the gifts of God." But we need you and your perfect self now more than ever to get back to God, our Savior Jesus Christ and Maely- heaven knows she's already there! Our biggest goal really is to be with you forever, Mr. T! Forever with Trevor and Miracle Maely.

11/25/16 playing with Maely <3


Miracle Maely with a heartbeat!


Meeting little sister for the first and last time


A few hours after she passed, but still one of mom's favorite pictures



Right before we let her body go. "See you later, Maely! I love you!"  


To learn a little bit more about The Plan of Salvation, visit  https://www.mormon.org/beliefs/plan-of-salvation :)

11 comments:

  1. Oh Kenzie--What a beautiful blog post. I am so sorry you and Braxton are going through such a difficult trial. Logan and I will pray for you to have peace and strength. Maely is absolutely beautiful! Those pictures of her and Trevor together are priceless. Your perfect kids have been blessed with the most amazing parents who Heavenly Father clearly has great trust in!

    We love you guys!

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  2. So beautifully written. Thank you for sharing such a sacred message and moment with us. It truly is a gift and I have felt my testimony grow and strengthen from your letter to Trevor. I know you and Braxton and Trevor are such special and loved children of our Heavenly Father. Love you.

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  3. This was truly touching! Thank you for sharing a very personal experience and the knowledge that families can be together forever. Our prayers are with your family!

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  4. So many tears as I sit here and read your beautiful words filled with so much love, hope, faith and strength. Thank you for sharing with us. You're in my thoughts and prayers as you move forward and continue with this same faith, hope and love. Xo

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  5. I'm thankful for your strength and your friendship! This is such a special and strong letter to Trev. Thank you sharing your testimony and your strength. I love you guys and I hope you can feel Maely's presence as you go forward. I know she has the best parents in the world!! I love you all and I'm sending love, prayers, and comfort your way.

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  6. You will cherish this post forever. The details of sweet Maely will be able to stay with you. What a sweet tribute to your baby girl. Kenzie you are so strong, even if you may not feel that way! You are. She is so beautiful, and what a miracle that you all got to meet her and have some time with her! You guys have such faith, and what a blessing it is to have the knowledge of eternal families and to have made covenants that get you closer to that eternal goal. Love you guys!

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  7. Thanks for sharing this! I don't even have words. I feel a lot of love for your family and hope you feel so much support around you! Looks like maely was very very special. Thank you for sharing your precious hour.

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  8. Wow, I am so amazed by your strength and your steadfast love for the lord. Maely was born the most beautiful perfect little girl. Thank you for sharing your final time you had with your perfect family of 4. You all are in my thoughts and prayers and Heavenly Father has big plans for Maely, like you said she will be watching over her big brother Trevor and he will feel her spirit and love. You all have been through a lot but I understand how precious just that short time you had with Maely meant the world to you as a mom. Love you all (Mindy Tiff and Steff's friend)

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  9. You don't know me. I went to high school with your husband. I've followed your story with Trevor on FB and have read your blog a few times. My heart is torn two ways.... one with much gratitude/joy that the plan of salvation is real and your testimony is amazing... the other part is sad because of the lost of your baby girl. I know no words will help much in this big time of grief but your story is incredible and I think you're amazing!! Keep up the blog post because you are sharing the gospel with many who may not know it. Your testimony is bright and I'm so grateful to have read this post.

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  10. This is such a beautiful post. I can't imagine anyone reading it without feeling the spirit. It's hard to hold back the tears reading this. I'm so sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Thank you for making this public, so we all could benefit from your testimony. I imagine you'll be able to help people for your entire life with this perspective.

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  11. I had your experience this past October. Our baby girl had a cystic hygroma at my 12 week appt and we did an amino at 18 weeks which revealed a large deletion of her 13th chromosome. She had one tiny kidney, small head, malformed ribs, four fingers on each hand, terrible heart defect, no eyes, bowel issues and the list goes on. At 36 weeks I lost all of my fluid and delivered her via csection. She was born with a faint heartbeat but the doctors resuscitated her and she was on life support for a week before we finally accepted she needed to be with the Lord. We held her as she went to heaven. I am sorry for your loss and hope you and your family are healing. My email is tawnylight@icloud.com if you ever feel like connecting. God bless you. Xx

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